Passover and Good Friday

Have you ever wondered why God chose the days around Passover in which Jesus is crucified and not around any other Jewish festivals?

In 2012, the start of the Jewish Passover (Festival of the Unleavened Bread) is on the same day as Good Friday (April 6, 2012). This is not always the case as the Passover follows the Hebrew calendar month. According to this calendar, Passover commences on the 15th day in the month called "Aviv". Generally speaking, it is a spring month and usually falls within March-April.

The fact that this year's Passover and Good Friday coincide on the same date makes it that much more special for me.

Here's why.

According to the Torah (the first 5 books of the Old Testament), or more specifically in the book of Exodus, God gives these instructions to His people:

1The LORD said to Moses and Aaron in Egypt,

2 “This month is to be for you the first month, the first month of your year.

3 Tell the whole community of Israel that on the tenth day of this month each man is to take a lamb for his family, one for each household.

4 If any household is too small for a whole lamb, they must share one with their nearest neighbor, having taken into account the number of people there are. You are to determine the amount of lamb needed in accordance with what each person will eat.

5 The animals you choose must be year-old males without defect, and you may take them from the sheep or the goats.

6 Take care of them until the fourteenth day of the month, when all the members of the community of Israel must slaughter them at twilight.

7 Then they are to take some of the blood and put it on the sides and tops of the doorframes of the houses where they eat the lambs.

Why did God instruct His people to do this?

Here's why.

12"On that same night I will pass through Egypt and strike down every firstborn of both people and animals, and I will bring judgment on all the gods of Egypt. I am the LORD.

13 The blood will be a sign for you on the houses where you are, and when I see the blood, I will pass over you. No destructive plague will touch you when I strike Egypt.

Okay, so that's how the name Passover came about!

As a summary:

On the 10th day, a male year-old lamb (either sheep or goat) without defects, is to be set aside (although not completely related, it's interesting that one of Jesus' parables about the kingdom of heaven is about the separation of the sheep and goats.)

On the 14th day of the month, the lamb is to be sacrificed and its blood put on the sides and tops of the door frames in the house in which the lamb is eaten.

Recall back to the Passover festival which starts on the 15th day of the month of Aviv.

The 14th day of the month of Aviv is when the lamb is to be sacrificed as according to the instructions given by God. Passover starts at sunset this Friday (April 6, 2012), which is the 15th day of Aviv.

Good Friday (prior to sunset) is the 14th day of Aviv-- the day Jesus is crucified on the cross and "slaughtered" as a sacrificial lamb so that those who are marked with His blood will be passed over (i.e. saved)

Good Friday commemorates the crucifixion of our Lord Jesus Christ, sometimes referred to as the Lamb of God or Passover Lamb.

Partaking in this Good Friday's communion, which in some ways would be our equivalent to the Passover meal, will hold more significance to me. Also being on a Friday, which is the start of Shabbat (Sabbath) where traditionally, Jewish families have their Shabbat dinner and as part of the ritual, two candles are light-- one representing observance/obedience and one representing remembrance, I will be reminded more of the significance of this day.

And that's why this Good Friday, which coincides with the start of Passover and the start of Shabbat, means so much more to me.

Remembrance of what my Lord Jesus Christ did for me and my response of obedience to Him is what I think this day is all about.

Praise be to God and may His Name be exalted.

Time Flies

Wow, time flies. It's been over three weeks since my last posting. I guess I have been lazy.

I blame it on the chemo because one of its side effects is "brain fog". Just as the description implies, the brain has temporary memory loss or is in a state of fogginess. But of course, that is just an excuse because I didn't have brain fog. I did however, was very tired and my interest level in many things was quite low.

Things like eating, drinking, reading, writing, just didn't seem to interest me at all. I just wanted to lie in bed.

The trips to the hospital each day also took a toll on me physically. The grind of the travel and the process of getting zapped is quite taxing. It didn't seem like it at first. I was telling myself that it's just like going to work each day.

At work, we grind it out each morning (getting out of bed, showering.....) and then during the day, we get bombarded with demands, deadlines, and politics. Replace those bombardments with radiation rays, that's how I viewed the treatment.

Unfortunately, those cumulative effects of the radiation quickly caught up to me. Little by little, my body was pounded and weakened.

First came the lack of taste.
Then the saliva got thicker.
Then the nose became stuffy.
Then insomnia kicked in.
Then the sore throat.
Then the burnt skin
Then the peeling of the skin
Then more insomnia kicked in.
Then liquid food only.
Then weight loss.

And during this time, all the hairs at the back of my head from the half way mark to the neck fell out without me even noticing.

As my physical body became weaker and the pain more prominent, my emotional state also took a hit. I became depressed. I didn't realize how much joy food brings into my life. The joy of taste and having a good appetite is definitely something I took for granted. Oh, how I wish for a nice juicy steak right now!

I also felt depressed because my energy level was so low. I wanted to read and write. But after reading a few pages, my eyes got so tired. I wanted to pray more, but I didn't know what to pray. God heard it all already and knows what my heart was thinking without having me say a thing.

He knows what I needed.

He put music in my heart.
He put words of encouragement from friends into my inbox.
He put greeting cards, comics, and unbelievably hard picture mazes to solve into my mail box.
He gave me life stories from loved ones for me to read and in turn, appreciate their life and their love much more than I had ever anticipated.

These are some of the many "hidden" blessings that God showered on me these past few weeks.

God knows and gives me what I need.

God never failed me. God never fails me. God will never fail me.

An Unusual Valentine

This is a very special and unique Valentine's Day for me and Jasmine. The venue is not very typical nor can it be categorized as romantic, but there is something to be said about being different that adds to the specialness and undoubtedly makes the experience more memorable.

And so I'm propped up in a bed here at the Princess Margaret Hospital (5 star hotel for its services and hospitality, IMHO) and I feel very blessed. I look over to my left and see Jas propped up in a chair with a foot stool and being next to me, by my side, without complaint.

I'm thinking to myself how blessed I am because as I experience one of the lowest moments of my life, Jasmine is next to me (literally), without complaint and 100% supportive. I praise GOD for her.

This reflection also reminds me of our wedding day when we made the vow to each other
"...in sickness and in health..."

And so we celebrate this 2012 Valentine's Day with each other.

No flowers. No candies. No cards. Just a loving, supportive, quiet presence next to me.

I love you my dear wife.

Conflict of Senses

Over the past three or four days, I've noticed that my taste buds have deteriorated quite drastically from the onslaught of radiation. Not only that, there is always a lingering salty and bitter taste in my mouth. Even when I drink water, it tastes like someone put salt in it with a twist of bitter. Yuk!

Needless to say, when I look at food now (any type of food), I have a distaste for it. Consequently, I lose my appetite. My mind has been tricked into thinking that the food tastes salty and bitter, rather than what it actually tastes like. And memory here doesn't help any. It's the reality of what I'm tasting in my mouth that dominates my brain.

It's like the tongue saying to my brain: "Dude, the food you are allowing to be put into the mouth tastes horrible! Stop torturing me already!"

But I know that the food looks good and smells good and I know from experience that it also tastes good. And so, I try desperately to overcome what reality is telling me and tell my brain that the food I'm eating tastes good and I am enjoying it.

Mind over matter. Not an easy battle. Reminds me a lot about faith.

Anyway, here's a funny commercial by the good folks at Coca Cola to promote Coke Zero. It really depicts the conflict. By the way, take a close look at the toes of the tongues.......they're made up of teeth. Brilliant.

A God Who Sings

Have you ever wondered whether Jesus is a tenor or bass? I know, it's kinda trivial. But I have a trivial mind. Anyway, that question popped into my head as I was thinking about what Jesus said (sung?) while being hung on the Cross.

Matthew 27:46 documents:
"From noon until three in the afternoon darkness came over all the land. About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli,lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”)."

Additional reference shows that these words came from Psalm 22.

In Psalm 22, there are some instructions given: "For the director of music. To the tune of 'The Doe of the Morning'. A psalm of David."

And so my mind wandered-- what is this tune? What does it sound like? Is it a quick tempo song or a slow meditative song? Is it melodic or a recitative? What key is it in and so on and so on.

I heard online a Jewish scholar giving a lecture on ancient Jewish traditions and he mentioned that during Jesus' time, the psalms were not numbered and the way to know from one psalm to another is by the first few lines of the psalm.

So when Jesus quoted the first line of psalm 22, undoubtedly the Jewish people who were still there at the cross would have heard and recognized this psalm. Perhaps this psalm/song is very famous at that time, so many folks would have known the words and the tune. It's like quoting the words to "Amazing Grace" or "How Great Thou Art" in modern times. Maybe?

But of course, Psalm 22 is not just an ordinary praise song. It is a prophetic psalm that points to the coming of the Messiah for the nation of Israel. And that reminder would/should have pierced the ears of those who were still standing under the Cross when Jesus cried out those words "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?".

But did it?

Here's how Matthew accounts the response:

When some of those standing there heard this, they said, “He’s calling Elijah.” Immediately one of them ran and got a sponge. He filled it with wine vinegar, put it on a staff, and offered it to Jesus to drink. The rest said, “Now leave him alone. Let’s see if Elijah comes to save him.” - Matthew 27:47-49

Interesting response. It's the "let's see what happens" attitude.

Another incident documented in the Bible where Jesus may have sung is in Matthew 26:30: "When they had sung a hymn, they went out to the Mount of Olives."

This hymn was sung during the last supper between Jesus and His disciples. Jesus sings. For some strange reason, I find it quite intriguing. God sings.

This is significant for me because when that day comes when my throat is so sore that I cannot speak nor sing, I know that God will sing over me.

"The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” -- Zephaniah 3:17

God Is In The Pain

With the pain on my side (literally) this past week, the overarching thought that has been laid on my heart is the reminder of the pain that our LORD Jesus Christ suffered for us on the cross.

Jesus did not have "patient care", follow-up, nor morphine and pain-killlers. His pain was intentionally inflicted for the purpose of death. His act of sacrifice was voluntary out of obedience.

Compare all that to the pain that I was experiencing......there is NO comparison.

During Communion Sunday last week when the bread was passed, I held onto that broken cracker and unexpectedly started to cry like a little child. I was overwhelmed by the thought of the immense pain that Jesus suffered and endured for me on the Cross.

Who am I to complain about my discomfort?

But I praise God for the pain because it reminded me that His pain was real.

All I could do was humbly bow down and worship the LORD with thanksgiving and surrender.

My Love Will Not Let You Down

Recently I started to re-listen to my Bruce Springsteen collection and fell in love again with this song called "My Love Will Not Let You Down", written by Springsteen in 1982.

For some reason, the title of the song really caught my attention this time. As I listened to the lyrics, the more I felt the song was a conversation between God and the lost character in the song.

The first stanza reveals a God who is longing and searching for the lost and there's urgency in the search.

"I keep searching for you, darling.
Searching everywhere I go.
And when I find you there's gonna be.
Just one thing that you gotta know.
One thing you gotta know now
My love will not let you down
My love will not let you down"

Then, the second stanza is the response by the lost character who is searching, but searching in all the wrong places.

"At night I walk the streets looking for romance
But I always end up stumbling in a half-trance
I search for connection in some new eyes
But they're hard for protection from too many dreams passed by"

And then God responds:

"I see you standing across the room watching me without a sound
Well I'm gonna push my way through that crowd
I'm gonna tear all your walls down
Tear all your walls down
My love will not let you down
My love will not let you down"

Okay, I know it's a stretch! :-)

But the overarching theme of the song about the unbreakable, relentless love that is unstoppable until the lost lover is found is also so true about our God-- a God who does not sleep. A God who searches for us when we stray away to find love, security, meaning in other things. But God will tear through those walls and take hold of us and remind us that "my love will not let you down!".

This song is now on my rotation list as I get my radiation treatment.

A Pain That Awakens

I'm thankful that I got through the night. After sleeping for about 2 hours only, at 4am I was woken up by a sudden spasm of excruciating pain. My loud grunt from the pain also woke up Jasmine. She was concerned. I was concerned. I slowly lifted my shirt to check on the wound. But everything looked fine. In fact, the swelling and the bruising was getting better. I was puzzled. Why the spasm?

In the morning, I called a friend and she mentioned that spasms do occur, especially with "younger" and leaner patients because the muscles are responding to the injury. I was a little relieved to hear that. If the pain persists or becomes unbearable, I will go see the doctors on Monday. For now, I will tough it out.

I do praise GOD because the wound is healing nicely. The bruising is starting to fade and there is no sign of swelling. My temperature is good and I feel good.

I am thankful that:

I still have an appetite
I can still swallow food
I can still taste the food
I can still sing out loud
I can still laugh out loud (although it hurts)
I still have the breadth of life

Thank You O Lord for Your grace and mercy. Thank You for holding me tightly through this past week and reminding me in tangible ways that You are with me.

G-Tube Experience

Here's a video of a typical G-tube insertion. The procedure performed on me yesterday was the "pull method" and the initial endoscope went through my nose, instead of my mouth as shown in the video.

The only way I can describe my G-tube experience is a loud OUCH! The surgery happened yesterday morning at around 10am and even after taking two shots of morphine and numerous doses of codeine, at 5pm, the pain was still unbearable. Yet, I still had to get my radiation treatment. Last Tuesday I had my double-double (radiation and chemo). Yesterday's double-double was far worse!

When I was discharged from PMH, my nurse went over and above her call of duty by wheeling me to the pickup area while my wife Jasmine picked up the car. I am thoroughly impressed by the patient care at PMH. She not only wheeled me to the pickup area, she stayed around to talk and bought me a bottle of apple juice. On top of that, by this time, it was already after the normal office hours. A true God-sent. Thank You LORD.

The drive back home was one of the worst experiences I had. Every time the car went over a bump or a sudden change in momentum (start, stop, or turn), I felt a sharp pain that would last for 2 seconds or so. It was excruciating. I never realized there are some many potholes and cracks in the road.

"Start Close In" by David Whyte

I read this poem recently and want to share it.

"Start Close In"

by David Whyte

Start close in,

don't take the second step

or the third,

start with the first

thing

close in,

the step you don't want to take.

Start with

the ground

you know,

the pale ground

beneath your feet,

your own

way of starting

the conversation.

Start with your own

question,

give up on other

people's questions,

don't let them

smother something

simple.

To find

another's voice

follow

your own voice,

wait until

that voice

becomes a

private ear

listening

to another.

Start right now

take a small step

you can call your own

don't follow

someone else's

heroics, be humble

and focused,

start close in,

don't mistake

that other

for your own.

Start close in,

don't take the second step

or the third,

start with the first

thing

close in,

the step you don't want to take.

Thank God for Sabbath

I finished my first week of treatment. I feel exhausted. Even though I did not exert much physical work this past week, my body feels beaten up. I don't feel any physical pain yet, but I just feel so tired and fatigued. I'm really starting to understand what those terms mean.

My energy level is sporadic and when I do have energy, it only lasts in spurts. It's frustrating.

But through this experience, I am starting to appreciate, in more acute ways, the meaning of sabbath. Monday to Friday my body was assaulted with radiation and chemo, but on Saturday and Sunday, my body can rest. This precious rest means so much more to me now than before. Getting physical rest and finding rest in the LORD is becoming more poignant for me.

I'm sure as the treatment goes further down the road, the sabbath rest will hold even more significance to me.

Another New Experience

Yesterday, I had my first chemotherapy session. I was quite anxious about it because of the side-effects that I have been hearing and reading so much about (nausea, vomiting, numbness of fingers and toes, ringing of ears/hearing loss). And I was thinking to myself "it must be really bad or else they wouldn't need me to stay overnight at the hospital".

The therapy started at around 1:30pm. I was given MgSO (electrolytes) to boost my body with the required liquids. After two hours, I was then given anti-nausea medicine via the IV. Then came the main event-- I was given the "poison" (the chemo drug is called "cisplatin"). It came in a dark orange bag. Two nurses came in, one asked for my name and birthday, confirmed it with the label. Then the second nurse repeated the procedure and concurred. It reminded me of those movies where before the red launch button is pressed, another individual must concur that the "launch code is authenticated" before the button is pressed.

Once concurred, the bag was attached to my IV and the launch was done. N+1 second......

It took two hours before the bag was empty. After that, a bag of NaCL was given to replenish/boost more liquids into my body. I had that bag for the rest of the evening.

I felt fine throughout the night. In fact, I watched the Leafs beat the NY Islanders in overtime with other patients who were staying overnight. It was a great experience-- one that I will treasure because we shared a common battle. Although we were each at a different stage of treatment and fighting a different type of cancer, we were all battling the same enemy. There was unspoken acknowledgement of courage, strength and encouragement.

By the morning, I felt a little nausea, but not too bad. When I completed my radiation for the day, I started to have hiccups, which was unexpected. Before I left the hospital, I was prescribed a plethora of medication.

Praise the LORD for the new experience and for His grace and mercy.